Thursday, July 19, 2007

I can't keep hurting poeple

Been very hurtful im my emails many times.
Caused so much unhappiness and scolded by Fifi many times.
Is this the cause for people to disappear from my committee?
Is this why the committee is so scattered now?

I decided to step out and apologies.
Knowing that emails are not going to work as I don't know if they really read or not,
I changed plan and decided to sent msn msg to almost everyone. (cos only a few are online and I think I almost clogged the offline msg network)
Here's what I wrote:

hi yah...
i guess this is the best way to communicate with everyone: msn
i just wanna say that i'm very sorry
for creating so much unhappiness to
especially in my emails.
but most of the time, the words were
from a anger
anger which pissed me off and i just just type what i feel and
click sent.
i know it's wrong of me to do that all the time
you can say
it's unprocessed words which came fresh from feelings
and unfiltered thru
the brain.
you all may think that i like do this
but i feel so heart
pain and i cry when ppl tell me
that i wrote something wrong in my emails
there's a reason why i disapproves email discussions bcos of this
i'm no good at expressing my thoughts and feelings thru words
and by the
time we come for meetings,
the things i wanted to say have been long
and sometimes, the tone which people type in their emails may be
misinterpretated by others.
i know everyone hates me now
hate me for
spoiling their plans
hate me for spoiling their ideas
hate me for
posting hurtful remarks
i'm a failed leader
a leader who can't even lead
the committee to the end of the tunnel
a leader who doesn't want people
to feel the pain and depression i'm going thru all these while.
at the way some of you worked
makes me think if i'm really quailfied to be
your president
i'm a person who like to give thanks to people
like the committee
i've always wanted to give everyone a treat or something
but everytime i want to organise,
my heart keeps telling me if
it's really worth spending
my hard earned money on you guys.
chocolates, gave everyone oranges during CNY, cookies, nuts, sweets...
i dun
mind even if no one appreciates what i've done
i'm the only one who is so
free now,
while others are busy with other stuff
that we may have to
cancel meetings sometimes
but it all goes down to personal attitude and
piroritising your schedule,
making time that has already been agreed on
if you think having many CCAs and joining one committee is easily managed
for you,
then go ahead and join them but you have to rank the importance
if not, i would suggest you consider what you want to achieve at
the end of each academic year
all these may sound too late for everyone but
i hope that it'll be an advise from me
if you think that PS committee is
just like any other societies' committee which you can slack thru for the whole
i believe you have already experienced it yourself that we work hard
all the way from the start till july,
where we have a short break before we
sprint off for our final lap
i thank you all from the bottom of my heart
that you all have followed me to this very end of the race
i appreciate all
the little things you all may have done which i and/or others may not have
we'll still contiune to have fun
from the deepest point of my

I hope that some people will feel better after reading all these, thought I do not put high hopes that they will forgive me for what I've done.
Some of them have given positive feedbacks to me.
I thank them for the encouragement and understanding me.
Some... I'm not sure if they read the msn msg or not cos I've tried sending msn msg but yet to recieve a word from them.
Don't know if they (you) really hate me to the core but at least give me some sign that you accepted my apologies.
Won't want to call them (you) dao or rude.

But I just tells me that I'm not forgiven.
Just hope that they (you) may chance upon this entry...

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