fun... later confused...

Just came back from sch.
I know it's a saturday.
My committee had a CNY cum NUSPS day steamboat dinner.
Was hoping to be crowded with people,
But ended up like a 38th MC steamboat dinner plus a few 37th MC ppl.
Rather disappointing cos the welfare team spent quite a huge effort in organising this dinner and it became like this.
But good job to them.

Played DOTA in the afternoon.
My hero go raped by Derek's hero for the first round with Jeanbean.
Then i played myself against the computer and i won.
Yay!!!
After that 3rd round combine force with XiaFan and beat Derek.
Wah... XiaFan is good in DOTA and CS too.
Afternoon programme was very sianz...
Only a few ppl were there.

Steamboat dinner started late as we were waiting for ppl who eventually din turn up.
3 steamboats all together.
1 halal
1 veg
1 normal without beef.
Then Gerald brought KFC for us.
Quite filling eating steamboat.
After that celebrated Shingkae's birthday.
The cake was not bad except that it was too sweet in my opinion.

Many CS rounds after the dinner.
Still very lousy in CS.
Dunno why fifi always come and kill me.
But i shot him a few times too.
hee.

After entertainment was rather boring.
Initially wanted to have meeting but the dinner ended pretty late,
So i decided to skip it.
Others were watching Blood Diamond.
Some played only 1 ROUND of MAHJONG.
-_-"

My father sent fifi home.
WE talked about montage in the car.
This year's montage is giving me big headaches.
Sigh...

While bathing, i was thinking of Vdae,
Dunno why,
My heart felt confused.
I dunno how to describe that feeling.
To think of Vdae,
The first think I thought of was fifi.
I know i'm not going to spent that special day with him.

I just feel like going to the beach on that day.
And find a quiet place to sit down,
Look at the sea.
Listen to the waves.

Sudden feeling of wanting to be lone.
Still undecided of what to do on Vdae.
The only thing i'm doing for him is writing a card.
But does he get the msg behind all this i've done for him?
Does he know how much i FEEL and CARED about him?
That's something i wish i knew...

a broken heart that can only be patched by him...

Done... Oh gosh...

YaY!!!
finally finish editing 170+ of photos i shot like 3 weeks back.
sian... when it comes to photo editing
tough being a photographer.
term break is coming...
and my core modules are getting tougher in content.
totally forget about Groups for Algebra.
that's like chapter 3 and we just started with chapter 4.
Analysis II is killing me with all the proving for differentiability and integration so far. Probability lecture i like give up half way (would i say totally).
Din go for so many lectures and tutorial is not like JC maths kind of easy one.

how...
i need help.
die!!!!

Now very busy with Montage.
Minor role in it but I'm the predsident leh...
cannot slack one.

Stressed about school.
Stressed about CCA.
Still hoping for the table to turn in relationship.

hmmm... i'm trying out the fake photography thingy i read on clubsnap.
yay!!! finally got it.
but my lappy can't take CS2 that fast.
very slow.
Here goes:

Original

Edited

not that fantastic yet.
only steps 3 out of 4. will try another day...
bye... got to go home liao

it's me...

hmmm...
so long din type any entries liao.
cos i din really have much to say.
nothing exciting about me.
it's still the sad old me.

there's only one type of entry i really want to put here
you should be able to guess it.
but i decided not to.
cos the person who i want to keep this blog out from
has found my blog and read every entry about him.
and she din even feel a thing!!!

i'm such a failure...

oh well, maybe just share something here.
My photog soc bazaar just passed 2 weeks ago.
it was monday and tueday event so we had to set up everything on sunday.
so i asked my father for help to drive the exhibition boards down since he drives a lorry.
=> i'm coming later with my father to setup
and since fifi got something on in the morning, i decided to fetch him to school too.
hee. he agreed.

yesterday, we had meeeting.
i expected it to end at about 10pm but the committee was so fast that it ended half hour early.
thinking that it'll end at about 10pm or later, i ask my father to fetch me back.
i knew him well enough.
when we stayed in school late, most of the time we'll stay till 11pm.
so i asked my father to come at 11pm so that he can fetch him home too.
my father was late.
and so we had the time to just the 2 of us together and also discuss montage.
yes i did sent him home and my father asked him something about his neighbourhood.

i guess i shall keep everything good i spent with him inside my heart and treasure them dearly.
to me, he's my dear.
but to him, i'm his sister.

he's bdae is just tmr.
i've got my pressie fro him prepared.
just need to collect later.
tonight or tmr, i need to convince him to come to dmc.
cos that's where i'll surprise him.
not just the pressie but something else too.
i love him.
i miss him.
i want him.


a broken heart that can only be patched by him...

Shopping KING & QUEEN

Was feeling very depressed and lonely yest...
Crying and msging him last night.

I was lucky...

Someone wasn't free so he decided to keep me company.
Told me that there's a $10 peiyan voucher for me.
$10 peiyan voucher???

Met him at PS today @ 12pm.
Went to The Cathay and bought COUPLE SEATS for A Night At the Museum @ 1.30pm.
That's where the $10 peiyan voucher went to.
So...
That voucher was a gift from him,
For me to spent on whatever things I want.
But he just happily decided to treat me to the movies.
*stunned
Then we went back to PS for 1.5 Long John Combo Set 1.
That's our usual for Long John + cheese dips.
Yum yum...
*burp

hahahahaha...
A Night At the Museum was damn funny.
Rexy, the name of the T-Rex which Ben Stiller calls.
Cos it's a doggy T-Rex.
Just wanna play fetch.
"QUIET!!!! My friend dum dum wants to talk," says the stone statue (dunno the correct name).
hee...

Went shopping with him after the movie.
E2max at The Cathay looks cool... (gerald, next time we play there kae.)
Start from Wisma.
He wants to go to G2000 to find his shirt for Montage and to meet sponsors.
In the end only found one shirt.
34.30 mulah from G2000 on the Lavander shirt.
I wanted to look for long-sleves too.
But looking for Dorothy Perkins.
Tried Taka but dun have.
So we walked the whole Taka.
Giodano, Fox, Gramophone, Taka dept store, Guess...
Nothing interesting.
Then walked to Centrepoint.
Started from the 4th floor?
And we entered Robinsons from the men's department.
Helped him choose another shirt.
Suppose to be cheap but in the end only cheaper by $1.30.
=_="
At first he wants to get the dark grey shirt.
But after much thinking,
I helped him to eliminate and he eventually got a dark blue.
Spent a lot of time at Robinsons there searching for a suitable shirt.
Finally, our last stop.
Back to PS agian.
But this time my turn to buy.
Went into Dorothy Perkins.
But din see any nice long-sleve blouse.
Quite limited.
So in the end, went to G2000.
*again...
Picked 3 pieces to try.
I want a smaller bust!!!!
Out of 3, 2 got a "hole" at the bust area.
(future fashion desginers, pls put the buttons at the bust line leh.)
*yah
The last piece fits nicely got the button at the correct place.
Not really collared but nice brown outfit.
Kinda goes well with blazer.
41.30 mesos at G2000.

Wanted to have Anderson's Ice-cream.
But then he needs to go home for dinner.
So ice-cream can still save for other times.
1 year validity from nov 06 mah.
He got 2 $5 voucher from the Singtel sms shootout.

Thanks for keeping me comapny again...
Thanks for the movie treat ($10 peiyan voucher)...
You're my SHOPPING KING.
hee...

I was never happy...

Many people see me as a happy person.
That's not what I am.
I was never happy.
I am always alone.
Alone in my own world.
I never felt the love, care and concern from others.

I seem happy because people around me make me happy.
I feel happiest when I'm with Fifi.
He's the only one who can really make me happy.
No matter how depressed or sad I am,
He brightens up my feelings everytime I see him.

In secondary school,
I never had a proper group of friends to be with.
I follow whichever group of friends accepted me in.
And leave when I know that I'm being rejected.
My friends find me only when they need help in Maths.
Because I was good in that subject.
My classmates show concern when I have difficulty,
As office bearer or medical problem.
Other times, I'm alone.

Then come JC,
There were 8 girls in the class.
There were 2 groups.
I felt more comfortable with one side and followed them along.
Then in year 2, another girl joined my class as she wants to retake her 'A's.
So there were 9 girls.
Morning assembly came.
And I'm always standing alone.

I envy those who found their partner.
Bf/Gf.
I always ask myself when will I find mine?
I almost found one.
Just that I thought it was only a close friend relationship I was going thru.
But feelings for him got deepen inside me.
And it happened that the wrong time.
By the time I told him,
He's already dating with another person.
I wasn't aware of it.

We had a long chat over msn.
And on speech, I readily take the step out.
He's been with her for 2 months.
I'll rather be the miserable ender than to let others take the misery.
I prefer to be the sacrificial lamb and make others happy.

Since I kept rejecting what people have been saying about us for months.
He thought that we can't be together.
But inside me,
I can't forget about him.
I never gave up.
I kept hoping for the day to come.
I'll just keep waiting for him, I told myself.

School is starting soon.
I guess I'll be too busy with school work to be bordered about all these.
But I'll still think of him.
At least we got the time to meet for lunch.

I never share with people all my sad things/stories.
I keep them to myself.
I guess these are only part of it which I can remember.

Sometimes I feel that there is no purpose in me to live.
I feel so miserable all the time.
I want to find a quite beach,
And sit on the breakwater,
On a cool weather,
And just look at the ships, clouds and birds far far away...

I feel very uneasy when the two of them are around me.
I don't know how to avoid them.
So I'll always keep a distance away from them.
I don't want to see/know what they are doing.
As it'll me feel even more miserable.

I want to go into deep sleep.
Sleep and never wake up...