it's me...

hmmm...
so long din type any entries liao.
cos i din really have much to say.
nothing exciting about me.
it's still the sad old me.

there's only one type of entry i really want to put here
you should be able to guess it.
but i decided not to.
cos the person who i want to keep this blog out from
has found my blog and read every entry about him.
and she din even feel a thing!!!

i'm such a failure...

oh well, maybe just share something here.
My photog soc bazaar just passed 2 weeks ago.
it was monday and tueday event so we had to set up everything on sunday.
so i asked my father for help to drive the exhibition boards down since he drives a lorry.
=> i'm coming later with my father to setup
and since fifi got something on in the morning, i decided to fetch him to school too.
hee. he agreed.

yesterday, we had meeeting.
i expected it to end at about 10pm but the committee was so fast that it ended half hour early.
thinking that it'll end at about 10pm or later, i ask my father to fetch me back.
i knew him well enough.
when we stayed in school late, most of the time we'll stay till 11pm.
so i asked my father to come at 11pm so that he can fetch him home too.
my father was late.
and so we had the time to just the 2 of us together and also discuss montage.
yes i did sent him home and my father asked him something about his neighbourhood.

i guess i shall keep everything good i spent with him inside my heart and treasure them dearly.
to me, he's my dear.
but to him, i'm his sister.

he's bdae is just tmr.
i've got my pressie fro him prepared.
just need to collect later.
tonight or tmr, i need to convince him to come to dmc.
cos that's where i'll surprise him.
not just the pressie but something else too.
i love him.
i miss him.
i want him.


a broken heart that can only be patched by him...

Shopping KING & QUEEN

Was feeling very depressed and lonely yest...
Crying and msging him last night.

I was lucky...

Someone wasn't free so he decided to keep me company.
Told me that there's a $10 peiyan voucher for me.
$10 peiyan voucher???

Met him at PS today @ 12pm.
Went to The Cathay and bought COUPLE SEATS for A Night At the Museum @ 1.30pm.
That's where the $10 peiyan voucher went to.
So...
That voucher was a gift from him,
For me to spent on whatever things I want.
But he just happily decided to treat me to the movies.
*stunned
Then we went back to PS for 1.5 Long John Combo Set 1.
That's our usual for Long John + cheese dips.
Yum yum...
*burp

hahahahaha...
A Night At the Museum was damn funny.
Rexy, the name of the T-Rex which Ben Stiller calls.
Cos it's a doggy T-Rex.
Just wanna play fetch.
"QUIET!!!! My friend dum dum wants to talk," says the stone statue (dunno the correct name).
hee...

Went shopping with him after the movie.
E2max at The Cathay looks cool... (gerald, next time we play there kae.)
Start from Wisma.
He wants to go to G2000 to find his shirt for Montage and to meet sponsors.
In the end only found one shirt.
34.30 mulah from G2000 on the Lavander shirt.
I wanted to look for long-sleves too.
But looking for Dorothy Perkins.
Tried Taka but dun have.
So we walked the whole Taka.
Giodano, Fox, Gramophone, Taka dept store, Guess...
Nothing interesting.
Then walked to Centrepoint.
Started from the 4th floor?
And we entered Robinsons from the men's department.
Helped him choose another shirt.
Suppose to be cheap but in the end only cheaper by $1.30.
=_="
At first he wants to get the dark grey shirt.
But after much thinking,
I helped him to eliminate and he eventually got a dark blue.
Spent a lot of time at Robinsons there searching for a suitable shirt.
Finally, our last stop.
Back to PS agian.
But this time my turn to buy.
Went into Dorothy Perkins.
But din see any nice long-sleve blouse.
Quite limited.
So in the end, went to G2000.
*again...
Picked 3 pieces to try.
I want a smaller bust!!!!
Out of 3, 2 got a "hole" at the bust area.
(future fashion desginers, pls put the buttons at the bust line leh.)
*yah
The last piece fits nicely got the button at the correct place.
Not really collared but nice brown outfit.
Kinda goes well with blazer.
41.30 mesos at G2000.

Wanted to have Anderson's Ice-cream.
But then he needs to go home for dinner.
So ice-cream can still save for other times.
1 year validity from nov 06 mah.
He got 2 $5 voucher from the Singtel sms shootout.

Thanks for keeping me comapny again...
Thanks for the movie treat ($10 peiyan voucher)...
You're my SHOPPING KING.
hee...

I was never happy...

Many people see me as a happy person.
That's not what I am.
I was never happy.
I am always alone.
Alone in my own world.
I never felt the love, care and concern from others.

I seem happy because people around me make me happy.
I feel happiest when I'm with Fifi.
He's the only one who can really make me happy.
No matter how depressed or sad I am,
He brightens up my feelings everytime I see him.

In secondary school,
I never had a proper group of friends to be with.
I follow whichever group of friends accepted me in.
And leave when I know that I'm being rejected.
My friends find me only when they need help in Maths.
Because I was good in that subject.
My classmates show concern when I have difficulty,
As office bearer or medical problem.
Other times, I'm alone.

Then come JC,
There were 8 girls in the class.
There were 2 groups.
I felt more comfortable with one side and followed them along.
Then in year 2, another girl joined my class as she wants to retake her 'A's.
So there were 9 girls.
Morning assembly came.
And I'm always standing alone.

I envy those who found their partner.
Bf/Gf.
I always ask myself when will I find mine?
I almost found one.
Just that I thought it was only a close friend relationship I was going thru.
But feelings for him got deepen inside me.
And it happened that the wrong time.
By the time I told him,
He's already dating with another person.
I wasn't aware of it.

We had a long chat over msn.
And on speech, I readily take the step out.
He's been with her for 2 months.
I'll rather be the miserable ender than to let others take the misery.
I prefer to be the sacrificial lamb and make others happy.

Since I kept rejecting what people have been saying about us for months.
He thought that we can't be together.
But inside me,
I can't forget about him.
I never gave up.
I kept hoping for the day to come.
I'll just keep waiting for him, I told myself.

School is starting soon.
I guess I'll be too busy with school work to be bordered about all these.
But I'll still think of him.
At least we got the time to meet for lunch.

I never share with people all my sad things/stories.
I keep them to myself.
I guess these are only part of it which I can remember.

Sometimes I feel that there is no purpose in me to live.
I feel so miserable all the time.
I want to find a quite beach,
And sit on the breakwater,
On a cool weather,
And just look at the ships, clouds and birds far far away...

I feel very uneasy when the two of them are around me.
I don't know how to avoid them.
So I'll always keep a distance away from them.
I don't want to see/know what they are doing.
As it'll me feel even more miserable.

I want to go into deep sleep.
Sleep and never wake up...

Exams results are out!!!!!

Here goes my reults for year 2 sem 1:

Name : HENG PEI YAN
Matric No : U052803X

2006/2007 Sem 1 Examination for SCIENCE 2

Module Code Module Title Grade
MA2101 Linear Algebra II B
MA2108 Mathematical Analysis I B-
PC2130 Quantum Mechanics 1 B-
PC2193 Experimental Physics 1 B
SSA2215 The Biophysical Environment of Singapore B

CAP: 3.11

yay!!! my cap when up by 0.11.
First time see all Bs.
I missed out a 10 marks question for Analysis I and still can get B- (hmmm???),
Term test for Quantum all just pass and in the end i got B- (wow!!!).
SS essay for exam i write till i got not enough time to write down all my points and I got B (phew). -> Leo got U and have to retake another SS mod.
Experimental I think is bcos of the oral presentation which pulled me up and cover my crappy experiment on electron spin, B (O.O).
Linear II got nothing much to say. Tough mod, so abstract. Think the questions are okay. Luckily i did well for the term test (lucky me).

And i thought what happened during my exam period is gonna bring everything down.
Phew...
So scary.
cos every paper i go in and come out thinking of that issue.

Fifi's grades din make him satisfied.
Though he won Sahan in mechanics.
His cap went up by 0.05.
But it's still way far from his dream of cap 3.0
Hope that things will not be too stressful for him next sem.
With 6 mod to take and holding the position of Porject Director for Montage 2007.
I will provide him with every support and encouragement to make him study harder.


argh... bad cold cough...
*cough *cough *cough

Loneliest Christmas of my life...

I went thru the sadest, moodiest and loneliest christmas first time in my 20 years.
I kept thinking.
I kept thinking of him.
And i'm still thinking of him.

No matter how hard i try.
I just can't get him out of my mind.

Every morning i wake up,
The first thing i think of is him.
Even though I've acknowledged that he's has a gf liao,
I still misses him when he's not around.

He went to JB on fri.
I msg him and told him i'm bored working in DMC.
Then i realised that i wasn't really that bored.
It's that i missed him.
I miss his presence.
I felt so empty inside me.
There wasn't any mood for me to do anything.

I've decided what to do for his birthday.
Will not disclose it here in case he's keeping track.
But i hope i got the time to finish it.
If not then have to wait till v-day.

Sigh...
Still thinking of him...